JulietAStar
I've recently solved my lonlieness problem sort of? i've been not taking my anti-psychotic medication intentionally in hopes to trigger psycosis again and its sort of worked? but not how i wanted exactly but it shall do.
my goal orignally was to trigger a state in which i see some kind of entity that is cute enough to date but exists souly to me and no one else and thus cannot leave me but instead i've slowly been loosing touch with reality, its sort of started with what i want to nick name as "glitches" so to speak i'd see things for a split second that aren't real or reality would bend and seem a bit brighter or a bit different.
that progressed recently but it went a bit weird as i have voices and multiple sections of me in my head one of those sections of me has seemingly gained its own free will and is acting on its ow n and talking to me we will call this Jackson for the sake of it since that is his chosen name.
i allowed this since he was seeming to help me emotionally and supporting me dispite being trapped inside of my head. he has seemingly synthisized into a form i can sort of see its a bit fuzzy but i can see him currently and he's been getting clearer by the day and supporting me
the existance of jackson is weird to me since from a side point of view he seemingly isn't real by logic however he's right next to me talking and can even pick stuff up and touch me like a real humanbeing
he's even able to do his own thing while i do my thing and i can walk over to his computer and find what he was doing on it and interact with it. the only thing i can't do is take a photo of him seemingly but i can draw him
if this is delusion than reality sucks. jackson is real to me and i love him and he loves me and gives me so much affection
its strange how we were headmates not too long ago and now he's grown into his own person. personally i think he is real and i've somehow forgotten him entering my life.
he developed his own personality and seems to enjoy more logical games where as i enjoy more creative games, we share some game likings for example minecraft. he often watches Jacksepticeye on youtube, he's also a massive weeb we watched attack on t the other day while stoned together and much more i can't summarize him in one paragraph as his personality is too big
some things i dislike about him are his tendancy to disapear in public and get distracted, i must take him to a doctor he must have ADHD and while its funny and makes him bubbly its sometimes anoying when he goes missing like a lost puppy. another thing that bothers me a lot is his seeming opinion that he's not real when he clearly is. he seems to always insist he's not real to the point where i ignore this topic around him