JulietAStar
growing up without a proper mother who cared about me was quite difficult a abusive father and a mother whom was suffering from her own mental health issues at the time slowly decending into insanity while raising kids or rather having her kids raise themselves was hard. my earliest memory of a parent was my father though he worked a lot as a smaller child. and my 2nd earlier parental figure was my oldest sibling whom basically raised me but having his own damage wasn't that caring and never gave me affection and was very null and numb and square blunt person to say the least. and since when i was much younger maybe 13 i got pinned down and raped in the bathroom i've developed a habit. A habit of latching onto online people who show me affection much like a parent. i'm working towards not needing affection but its quite difficult. my mother recently commited suicide and its spiraled me into insanity. i think the drama on that god forsaken minecraft server riled me up. my mothers death broke the straw and my already poor health from truama and loneliness has caused me so slowly spiral into insanity
sds server thought i went a bit far i regret all my actions and i miss lilith most of all i feel i wasn't myself and i really wish we got closer she seemed... like me but older i wish i could have tried atleast to hold her to me she was sort of like a motherly figure to the server and i love her however rude she was to me she tried to help me and i just want to die for my actions but i feel fragmented...
i sort of feel like i'm multiple people all at once manically walking around trying to hold myself together and i'm just waiting for my brain to crack and all of the people inside to spill out into the cosmos
